Wild Nurse Wednesday

I've been a nurse for a little over two years now. I learn something new everyday. Being a nurse is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I decided to make today's post about my wild nurse journey thus far.

Here's the day I got my acceptance letter. So skinny and tan and naive...

I started out in the hospital. Med-surg cardiac step down unit to be exact. NIGHT SHIFT> BLAAAAAAHHHH! Graduating nursing school as class president and passing boards like a boss (just kidding, boards took me almost five hours and I cried the whole time), I thought I already knew a lot about the world of nursing. WRONG. I am here to tell everyone who's in nursing school or even thinking about nursing school, you do not know anything until you take on your first shift as a nurse all by your lonesome. You will look like a dummy if you try to correct or talk back to a seasoned nurse. Seasoned, as in, way more experienced than you, little grasshopper. 

Anywho, I can remember my second week on nights by myself. I had a patient with a potassium of 7.6, among many other elevated labs, who was already on the verge of death. I WAS CLUELESS. How do I take care of someone who's about to code? All I knew at that point was how to get in the med system and hand out meds! I wasn't prepared to code my patient! That's when I learned what true team-work was. Every nurse on that floor took time out of their own busy schedule to help me with this patient. The patient eventually coded and I remember standing in the corner just staring, dumb-founded as to what was happening right now. I'm pretty sure I cried the rest of the night because of how stupid I felt, but I've never been so thankful for my co-workers.

Here's a picture of my first day at the hospital orientation. WOW, I WAS SKINNY!! Makes me want to cry!

I eventually became a fill-in charge nurse on nights and floated over to ICU every chance I got. Those 17 months was the best nursing experience of my life. I learned something new every night, and starting out on night shift was great for a new nurse because it was a little slower pace (notice I said little slower because even though it was night shift it was crazy madness half the time). I miss my night shift crew!

After being exhausted on nights, I knew I always loved the geriatric (elderly) community and thought hospice was what I wanted to do. Even though it was "easier" because there wasn't much nursing skill needed in the homes of these patients, the emotional stress was too much to bear at times. Being on day shift was nice, but then there were times on call, up and out all night after seeing patients all day, then having to work the next day.. whew! I loved being able to be a part of these families lives and comfort them toward the end, but when a daughter is holding her mother's almost lifeless body and telling her that it's okay, that she can let go now.. mmmm. I love my mamma, and that's all I could think about. That was one of the hardest moments for me. I could handle a lot, and a lot of times I looked heartless. Patient families were all crying and holding each other, and there I am just staring at the floor trying to not be in the way. One thing I wish my families knew was how much I was crying on the inside, that huge lump in my throat growing larger. Each death I had took pieces away from me. The driving, long hours, taking a lot of it home with me emotionally and physically, I just couldn't do it anymore. I am a true hospice believer. I know hospice nurses do everything they can possibly do to make these patients comfortable toward the end of life. What an honorable way to die is to be in your own home surrounded by the ones you love.

After doing some serious soul searching, I realized that time away from your own family is time you can never get back and no amount of money is worth that to me. I now work in a doctor office setting. I clock in, I clock out. Rarely do I work after 5pm, and never do I work weekends and holidays anymore. That is hard to come by as a nurse! The job will always be stressful at time because you're always going to have those people who complain about every little thing. Even though I've been there a short time, I've learned my wait time at the doctor is worth it, and there are LOTS of other people who have bigger problems other than my little check up. There are times when I receive a radiology report that a patient has cancer, have to go talk to the doctor, then the doctor has to call the patient, then the doctor puts in a referral to start on chemo and radiation, and THEN my next patient has to complain about having a 3:45pm appointment and it's 4:15pm and they are just ready to get home and watch TV. Another thing I've learned is to just bite your tongue. Lots of smiling and apologizing for things you can not control. Don't you do that in life anyway?

Here's my first day at my new job (taken just a couple weeks ago). MAN, how I've changed.

I love where I am at right now. The schedule, the staff, the location, everything. I'm thankful for how far I've come in my nursing career so far and can't wait to see where it will take me in the future. Maybe I could just be a stay-at-home nurse blogger :D